“Let’s all go To the Movies”
By
Gerry Niskern
Have you been to any of the new movie complexes that have sprung up around our valley? I started patronizing some when we realized it was getting close to Oscar time. I realized I’d better catch up on the past year’s flicks.
Actually, I had put a moratorium on trips to the local theatres some time ago for various reasons.
There’s the person beside you having a long conversation on their cell phone. It takes a while to realize that the dialogue you are hearing does not match the actions on the screen. Then you have the popcorn crunchers and back-of-the-seat kickers. Actually, the most annoying is the guy who brings his hearing aid with him. When he can’t hear the dialogue on screen he yells, “What did he say?” and the wife shouts, “Would you like a drink?” “What,” he screams, “Would you like a mink?” and so it goes for the next two hours.
Anyway, I decided to give the movies another whirl. The problem is, going to the show is not as simple as it used to be. First, I had to decide if it’s a guy or a chick flick. Who is the mastermind that created those categories?
On the morning of the big date we hold a phone conference to compare notes on the critic’s comments about our choice. “That guy in the paper gave it four stars”, I say. “But they gave it a thumbs down on the radio this morning,” a friend replies. Now what do we do? Do we dare to use our own judgement? Is that still allowed now days? Is it on at the good theatre; you know, the one with stadium seating and a railing down front where you can put your feet up?
After paying our seven-fifty dollars admission and sitting through ear-splitting music, the movie starts…wait, it’s a ten minute commercial featuring a sports car driving 120 miles an hour through city streets. Then we have numerous previews of coming attractions. If it’s a comedy, we are shown every single funny scene in the film.
It makes you long for the theaters of your childhood. Before the movie, there was a newsreel and if you were lucky, a cartoon. I remember back then the manager stopped the movie for an intermission and a drawing. If her ticket stub contained a lucky number, your mother might win free dishes or a six pack of Pepsi!
Trying to keep the real and imaginary characters straight in today’s movies is impossible. It seems we moviegoers aren’t presented with a straight narrative anymore. There are flashbacks within flashbacks fading in and out of the actor’s imagination or dreams.
Later, when we are drifting in a perplexed state of bewilderment towards the car, I inevitably get the question, “Now, just tell me, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?”