“Nostalgia is not for Sissies”

By

Gerry Niskern

Have you heard about the trend in home building in the valley?  Perhaps you have read about the new “old” planned neighborhoods? Lately the developers have been touting the idea of communities with houses varying in size from 5,000 to 1,500 sq. feet. This will encourage people of all ages to live side by side. They describe wide sidewalks and narrow, traffic free streets. The homes will have porches close to the sidewalk and garages in the back of the property. No block walls, just fences low enough visit over. It’s even been suggested that gates could left be open so that school children could cut across yards on the way to and from school.

Clothes will be permitted to hang out on clotheslines. Small dwellings are optional on the rear of your property for mothers-in-law, or home businesses. People from all walks of life could live together in a wonderful network of human relationships.

I have just one question for you potential homebuyers who are standing in line and drawing for lots, “Are you out of your mind?” Better yet, have you read the fine print in your contract? What if you get all moved in and find out that you actually are expected to live the life style of the good old days?

Come to think of it, fair is fair. If you want to return to the charm of the 40’s and 50’s those clothes lines could be filled with cloth diapers, washed daily. You would use a  hose for hot water to fill the washing machine; then the diapers are rung through the wringer and rinsed in two tubs of clean water then through the wringer again, before hanging.

The problem is, while the laundry is being done, the little ones are not eating their Cheerios in front of the television watching a video.  Sorry, no TVs. When you do check to see what they’ve been up to, there are no spray cleaners or even paper towels to wipe up their spills.

Those breakfast dishes are washed in the sink, not popped onto the dishwasher. In your quest for authenticity in this return to yesteryear, none of those plastic baby bottles and disposable liners allowed. And when you take him out on that nice wide sidewalk for his daily dose of vitamin D, you will use a heavy metal stroller with tiny wheels that pushes like an army tank. Sorry, no lightweight jogging strollers with big wheels.

Of course, when the retiree calls about the tomatoes Junior has been sampling from his garden while cutting across yards to school, don’t despair. I’m sure all those friendly relationships you have been cultivating will pay off. Also, with the gates left open, what happens to all the doggies?   Before moving in, I’d suggest neutering.

As for those small dwellings on the back of your property, you might be able to get your mother-in-law to move in. That is, if you can catch her. Most of the mother-in-laws I know are too smart to fall for that arrangement.

Neighbors using the small houses for a home business or studio can be tricky. Sculpture welding involves bright flashes of light and woodworking tools can be very noisy in the late evening hours.

When you are sitting out on the old style porch waiting for hubby to come home, no fair having a ceiling fan or mister system on the porch they weren’t invented yet! And of course, you won’t be calling him on a cell phone to pick up some fast food for dinner. He’ll have enough trouble trying to navigate the narrow, old-fashioned streets in his big SUV.