The First Goodbye
By
Gerry Niskern
( My creative memoir writing group recently wrote about their most difficult goodby. Here is my essay based on a letter I wrote to Ken on our 50th wedding anniversary.)

Right after our family moved to Arizona I saw a boy walking down the sidewalk in front of our house. He had dark, wavy hair and was wearing a funny little hat with lots of pins all over it. And he was whistling….there was something about that boy!
When I started to my new school that fall, he was there. He was in the other fifth grade class. Then he disappeared. He turned up later at the last of the seventh grade. I invited him to our Girl Scout square dance. I rode on the cross bar of his Schwinn bike.
Years later, after many dates, proms, and precious time alone, we chose each other and committed to a life together. I promised to love him forever and he gave me three beautiful babies and was a loving and kind father to each one.
Years went by and one day after many doctors and tests I had to go with him to the hospital to check in for open heart surgery. At age 57 he had to have quadruple bypass surgery and the surgeon painted a very black picture. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, getting in our car to go that day. I knew I could be saying goodbye forever.
But, we were very lucky. We went on to share memories of every kind over many more years. There were countless homes, cars, jobs, kid’s crisis, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, surgeries and motor homes!
Life was never dull. He taught me many things. He supported me in my Art career and advised me on how to sell and deal with gallery owners. Later, he helped me with valley history in my column for the Arizona Republic. In other words, I could count on him. He was an easy companion who shared his thoughts, interests and dreams.
Throughout our marriage there was one never changing constant…he was a kind, patient, gentle yet exciting lover.
I’m grateful for the years that we got to share after that first goodbye in the hospital all those many years ago because when the end came suddenly and without warning, I did not get to say goodbye to “that whistling boy with the funny little hat”.