“Ask Mom”

By

Gerry Niskern

While sitting at a sidewalk cafe recently, I overheard two Middle Eastern boys explaining to another boy how to pronounce their Arabic word for bread.   One said, “Wait, I’ll ask my mother” but the other laughed, “No, I’ll ask my mom”.   How easy, just ask mom.

Moms know about everything. At least we thought she did when we were little.

Of course, when we became teenagers, mom didn’t have a clue; it was a wonder the woman didn’t need a keeper.

However, when 2,000 miles away at college it’s seems perfectly logical to kids to call mom and ask, “What do I use on my whites at the Laundromat?”

As we married and started families it was mom who we called to ask about a recipe or a petulant child. Or to try to help us understand men! Or women!

I asked several people whose mothers are gone this question: “Is there something you wish you had asked your mother when you could?”

Several said they would ask,  “What was your childhood like? Where did you and dad meet? What attracted you to him?

Another wants to know her grandmother’s stories about growing up in Germany; what her feelings were when she left? Who did she work for when she got here?

One friend who’s parents marriage was “arranged” in Iran would ask her mother what her true feelings were at her wedding.

A friend from the Philippines told me she grieved that there were no baby pictures taken of her and she wants to know why.

Several wondered what kind of day it was when they were born?

One would ask, “What happened to my baby brother; what did he die from?”

I would ask my own  grandmother about the sadness of leaving her infant in Europe when she immigrated to America.

My mother, an avid storyteller, loved our family and tradition. I would ask her thoughts the situation of our family today.

The mothers we see on greeting cards with the saintly smiles are perfect, but are they really mom? It’s through mom’s sheltering arms and the comfort of home that we learn to trust others and life itself. Mother is the twine that holds the family together.  And yet, she is a mysterious set of contradictions. It’s hard to sort out your feelings for her: frustration, anger, companionship, apprehension, love.

Speaking of questions, I ran across a suggested list of soul-searching questions for everyone to ask himself on Mother’s day.  I hope I fulfilled some of them when I had the chance. It read: When was the last time you visited your mom? What are the things that make your mom happy or sad? How many minutes do you spend in quality talk with your mom in a week? When was the last time you cooked for your mom? How much do you know about your mom’s mother? How well do you actually know your mother?

We can honor and show respect by trying to learn about the real person who we call mom. Have you asked your mother what she really wanted to do with her life, besides being your mom? What was her dream while growing up?  Did she achieve her life goals?  In other words, who was she, really?

I think one friend answered my question best. She said, “Well, the question wouldn’t really matter. Calling her would give me what I wanted: to hear the love in her voice, because more than anything, I miss her love.

So on this Mother’s Day, go ahead, ask mom now!

“Change of Vacation  Plans”

By

Gerry Niskern

Everyone is thinking the same thing right about now, ‘Where will we go  on vacation this summer?’ In this land where we are free to vacation anywhere and with whomever we choose, have you thought of going some place different or taking a new person with you?

I’m reminded of many summers ago watching our great-grandson and a new friend building a sandcastle on the beach. After a while, the girl asked,  “Are you his grandparents?”

“No,” I replied. “ We’re his great-grandparents.”

“Whoa” she said,  “Well, isn’t  anyone else here with you all?”

“No, he’s just here with us.” I answered.

“Whoa”

That had been my reaction exactly back then when someone in our family asked our nine- year- old great-grandson if he wanted to go with my husband and I on our annual trip to California. His parents were expecting a new baby and I confess it took a while for the idea to grow on me, then I got busy and changed hotel and plane reservations to include a great-grandchild.

His Daddy delivered the youngster on our doorstep the evening before our flight.  My husband tried to lift his backpack. He couldn’t.  “What on earth do you have in here?”

“Some trail mix, an electronic fishing game, a gum making kit, three shell reference books, five story books, cookies (all melted together) and my world map.”

The trail mix, one shell book, and the world map were allowed to stay.

He played in the surf with a little boy from Russia. We had a world geography lesson back in the room while his great-grandfather helped him locate Russia on the world map. We were used to hearing different dialects spoken on the boardwalk, but our great-grandson was fascinated with the many languages he heard. One evening he saw a large group of women wearing beautiful long dresses with scarves covering their hair and part of their face. He asked their guide and learned they were from Jordan.  When we got back to the hotel that evening, out came the map again.

He persuaded us to try different ethnic restaurants that we had always passed by.  He was willing to order and finish exotic new dishes. We found we all enjoyed the variety. Looking at familiar sights through the fresh eyes of a nine year old brought exhilarating sparkle to our yearly trip. We didn’t have our romantic get away, but we had lots of fun.

We explored the tide pools in early light of dawn.  We learned to chase the surf and quickly gather shells before another wave came crashing in. Our paddle ball skills were honed to perfection.  Luckily, I only had to explain once that each person washed the sand out of his own swimsuit and hung it out to dry. Best of all, we had someone always willing to go after ice!

The trail mix in his backpack came in handy when our return flight was canceled and we stood in line at the airport for two hours and missed lunch.

On the trip home I knew we had passed a kind of milestone when my great-grandson turned to me and asked, “Grandma, could we go to the Grand Canyon next July?”

“Well, maybe so. Haven’t you been there?”

“No, then we could take the trip.”

“What trip is that, Honey?”

“You know, the mule ride to the bottom.”

Lucky for me his family went on vacation the next summer

“Leave it to the Women”

By

Gerry Niskern

Do you remember the first scolding you received in school? I do.

We first graders were allowed to take home our reader with strict instructions, “You may read the next four pages only and remember to bring your books back tomorrow.” Well, I was so thrilled to know how to read I finished the entire book. My mistake was telling the teacher!

Speaking of reading,  the Carnegie Library building on West Washington is 107 years old and when I say, ‘leave it to the women”, I’m speaking of many of your great-great-grandmothers.  Back in the Arizona Territorial Days , the Phoenix Woman’s Club wrote a proposal that resulted  in a grant from the Carnegie Foundation for four new libraries for Arizona;  one for Tucson, Prescott, Yuma, and Phoenix.

I discovered the Carnegie Library when our family moved to Arizona in 1942.  I staggered out of the basement where the children’s department was located with an arm load of books every week. I attended readings by authors of the children’s books in the beautiful bandshell located behind the library.

I couldn’t wait to turn twelve and could then check out books upstairs in the adult section. A world of imagination and curiosity allowed me to visualize settings and characters in endless ways for the rest of my life.

The love of books runs deep in our family. We still laugh about the 2 year old granddaughter who, without her mother’s knowledge, re-packed her bag full of her books in place of her clothes for an overnight with us.

Our great-grandson, a recent graduate of  NAU, started exchanging adult books with me at age ten. He is one of many reading friends with whom I’ve had the pleasure of sharing books. Of course, there should be no surprise there. His daddy used to sit up in his crib and read his books by the glow of the space heater in his room. When the heater cycled off, down he flopped. Then back up again turning pages when it cycled  bright again.

The kindergarteners who started school this year will be expected to learn many skills, but the most important one they will master is reading. Thankfully, there are thousands of books available in the local libraries.

The old Phoenix Carnegie no longer functions as a library, but it will always have a special place in my heart. “Kudos” to the first Phoenix Woman’s Club in the Arizona Territory for their foresight and resourcefulness.

“Easter Day, Here in Arizona”

By

Gerry Niskern,

Easter day, here in Arizona, is a day of traditions. It will be celebrated in many locations and the rituals will be as varied as the individual families. How could it not, with thousands of new residents of every ethnic group arriving in the Phoenix area each week?

Many families will go to church on Easter morning to thank God for their many blessings. Other whole families will give up their day to serve others in the various charity dining rooms.

In some families, grandmothers and grandfathers will serve their children and grandchildren a fine old-fashioned Easter dinner, complete with ham, potato salad and homemade hot rolls that melt in your mouth. The carving knife is already sharpened and the table linens are freshly laundered.

Perhaps this Easter weekend newlyweds around the valley will invite the clan to their home for a barbecue and a dip in their new heated pool. Regardless of where family or friends gather, some will argue politics, religion and or latest courtroom trial. Everyone will over eat and some will drink too much too.

Many, looking to do something different, will wrap their ham up tightly, put their sweet potatoes and gravy in heated containers and head out for a desert picnic. They’ll fly kites, hike and go egg hunting, just as our family did for many years. Just a reminder, leave real early. You’ll have to drive outside of Phoenix a long way to find a pristine desert site for your picnic this year.

Lonely residents of nursing homes will be served Easter dinner at long tables decorated with papier-mâché chickens and jaunty little bunnies. They will be remembering other Easter days when children sat at their table.

Firefighters will cook their Easter meal at the station. Policemen will grab a quick bite while on patrol.

Other families will gather in hospital rooms or visit cemeteries, carrying pots of flowers and trying to remember why they are supposed to be celebrating on this day.

Families of all nationalities will talk about Easter to their children. They might explain how the egg came to be associated with Easter. It seems that in the Middle Ages it was forbidden to eat eggs during the 40 days of lent. However, the hens kept laying and out of the resulting glut, the Easter egg tradition was born. All the different countries around the world eventually developed unique ways of decorating eggs.

Hopefully these same parents will remind their families that there are moms, dads, and even grandparents who are hungry and homeless on this Easter day, here in Arizona

They’ll tell the kids that we have the freedom to celebrate out traditions or change them as we wish. They will remind them to nuture and cherish those traditions.

All these things will happen on Easter day, somewhere here in Arizona.