It Takes  a Child

By

Gerry Niskern

The little brown eyed girl was giving hugs all around. There was laughter and tears of joy as the toddler met grandmas, cousins, uncles and aunts for the first time. I don’t know how much she understood or would remember, but she knew something important was happening as her daddy stood back beaming and was busy giving hugs of his own to family members that he hadn’t seen forever.

My great-great-granddaughter was as Paloma Park last Sunday with her daddy for a spontaneous reunion of two different families. Due to legal issues it was only the second time they had been together and he wanted the families to meet his daughter. This self-confident, vivacious little girl donned her pink unicorn bathing suit and led her new found cousins to the splash-pad where they had a ball running in and out of the sparkling water.

A strong wind came up and she ran to me for a towel hug and then back to the splashing water several times. It wasn’t much, but at least I got to help her and hug her again. Soon her grand mother helped her into dry clothes and off she went leading the gang of cousins to the playground.

Reunions, even spontaneous ones like this one are important for everyone. The adults exchange family history and information. And the kids need to spend quality time with relatives. They need to hear the family stories. The contact helps them develop and mature.

A strong wind and cold rain drove me to the car and I didn’t get to say goodbye, but I’m grateful that I got to see everyone, especially the child that brought us all together.

Are You Looking Forward or Backward?

By

Gerry  Niskern

I was talking with my #2 son the other day and as usual our conversation turned to the Pandemic, the state of our polarized country and other sobering  subjects. Then he said, “Hey Mom, lets talk about something looking forward, you know, some happy things.”

Sounded like a good idea to me and it reminded me of an article I had read in the New York Times recently about a course offered at Yale University called Psyc 157: Psychology and the Good Life. It is one of the most popular courses in the University’s 320 year history.

The course then evolved into  a course called The Science of Well-Being. It asks the students to keep track of their sleep, start keeping a Gratitude journal and to frequently perform random acts of kindness.

One of the rituals that most people missed during  the Pandemic was the act of giving hospitality; an act of kindness and also  the feeling of being needed. The joy of entertaining friends and just meeting to talk and maybe even vent a little.

All of this was very similar to my Mother’s recipe for living life. “You should be grateful!” was a phrase I heard many, many times while growing up. Also, “Be kind, especially to old people” was another. And if someone gives you a gift, when you are finished with it, you “do not sell it”. Always pass it on to another person who can use it.

The happiness course at Yale teaches that gratitude doesn’t come naturally. I find that hard to accept, but sadly I know that it is true. Perhaps if the many thousands who have taken the course (it was offered online eventually) begin to teach gratitude and kindness to their children, they will grow up to help create a happier world.

“Let the Hunts Begin”

By

Gerry Niskern

Tell the kids to get out their running shoes and practice their wind sprints. The furry rabbit with the huge ears is coming. Grandmothers all over the valley will be one step ahead of the pack showing the baby where the Easter eggs are hidden, while the older children shout, “No fair!”

Years ago, our kids and their cousins thought the Easter Bunny only left his eggs on the desert. Thanks to grandma and grandpa, prior to our annual picnic, the eggs were hidden early on Easter morning among the rocks at Carefree.  Needless to say, there were no houses or resorts to intrude on the quest for eggs among the huge boulders.

The simple egg is perhaps the oldest and most universal symbol of rebirth and new life. The decorations and celebrations of the holiday may change with new generations, but the tradition of dyeing eggs in spring colors and giving them to family and friends goes way back. The Egyptians and Persians practiced this tradition long before Christ was born.

How did the egg come to Easter? In the Middle Ages it was forbidden to eat eggs during the 40 days of Lent. However, the hens kept laying and out of the resulting glut, the Easter egg tradition was born. The European countries, especially the Ukrainians, developed beautiful egg patterns, called the pysanky method. Ukrainian egg kits can even be ordered online.Easter’s place on the calendar was not actually fixed to the Sunday after the first full moon of spring until 325 AD by Roman Emperor Constantine. He may also get credit for starting the traditional Easter Parade. The Emperor ordered every citizen to wear his best clothing to observe the Holy Day.

Different cultures have developed their own unique ways of decorating Easter eggs. The typical young Easter egg artist starts out with wax crayons, delicate designs to follow and great anticipation. If they’re like our family, after the first few eggs are colored and cups of dye spilled, the job becomes a little rushed.

I guess I’d have to say one of the funniest Easter stories I remember was told by a young friend of mine. Seems she was always warning her hubby too watch his “salty” language around the baby. On Easter morning their little two- year- old started with her basket to find eggs.  With every egg she spotted, imagine her mother’s shock to hear, “There’s a !!#@#!** Egg!” Instead of daddy being chagrined, he kept inviting neighbors over to “listen to my daughter find Easter eggs.”

So as I said, there’s something for everyone.

Many Paths to Happiness

by

Gerry Niskern

There is a famous old saying that goes, “Happiness is not a station where one arrives…..it’s a manner of traveling.”

I had a magnet with that maxim written on it on my refrigerator for many years. The kids in the family sometimes asked, “What does that mean, exactly?”

I tried to answer many times, and the more I’ve thought about it,  I’ve come to realize that you could interpret that many ways.

I like to think that the manner in which you speak to your fellow human beings is one path on this journey called  life. Sure there is lots of kidding and banter among friends, but basically a person is known by his words and manner of speaking. Are their words warm, natural and their tone constant, in exchanging ideas?

I was fortunate enough to have a very “democratic” mother. She always admired people who were at ease in speaking to a child, cleaning person, cashier, seniors, landscapers, the “boss” or anyone. She couldn’t tolerate anyone who “put on the dog” by changing their manner or tone when conversing with someone they perceived to on a higher level socially.

Like her, I’ve come to believe that the way you speak to anyone, regardless to their station in life, is an ongoing process through this verbal path of life.

How are your travels?

HAVE YOU BEEN TO A BASEBALL GAME LATELY?

By

GERRY NISKERN

When he first started coming to our house to spend the night the baseball game could start before bedtime. Our living room was Niskern Field. The bases were all the sofa pillows and the Nerf ball and bat were required equipment. He could imitate all the pitchers on the Diamond Backs. And he had the batting stance of the other players down pretty good too.  When the game was finally called for night time,  it was  understood that it would continue bright and early the next morning.

His great-grandpa was the pitcher and I was the catcher, and of course, he was the constant batter. We never even got a turn. These games started when he was around three and have never stopped.

He was signed up for a pee wee team when he was three and his parent’s job was just beginning. They are the ones that drove him to practice and coached in the early years. His dad helped prepare many fields before the games. His mother manned the refrestment stands or brought the team snacks. They spent mega bucks on ball clubs over the years and traveled out of state to many games. He had an opportunity to  play and improve year after year.

His mother used enough bleach to easily fill the Grand Canyon keeping the white uniforms clean and ready for each game. She also had to keep an eye out for the younger sister playing behind the bleachers, except when she was raiding mom’s purse for money for the snack stand.

He played two years for the Pumas of Paradise Valley College. He is a great hitter, terrific third baseman and relief pitcher. He went on to play for Arkansas, and will graduate this year, but due to the Pandemic affecting the baseball season, he has another year of eligibility to show his stuff.

I’ve probably seen him playing for the last time. And I will miss that but hey, he’s following his dream that started all those years ago and hasn’t faltered!

GO AHEAD, HUG THE KID!

By

Gerry Niskern

All my fellow grandparent friends are saying the same thing. “When I finally received my shot I felt like a dark cloud had been lifted off me!”

Everyone of them went on the say,  “I feel like I’ve lost an entire year. Big chunks of life are gone forever. Babies have grown into toddlers. Birthdays and Christmas has come and gone without the family being together. Important graduations have been missed.”

All my sentiments exactly. I wake up in the morning now and think, ‘One more shot in two weeks and then I can socialize again.’ It’s a wonderful feeling. I think, like many friends, I had just kind of shut down my emotions. It didn’t do any good to complain about the masks, distancing, and just not seeing people “up close and personal.”

Most of all, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the three vaccines that have been made available thru the diligent work of scientists. I’ve had other vaccines in my lifetime, starting with the one required before I could enter first grade. That one left a big scar!

My kids had all the vaccines required for newborns and boosters later. The Salk polio vaccine was a welcome one for sure. Back then, if your child ran a fever and the doctor couldn’t diagnose it right away, the overwhelming fear was polio.  We’ve all had many vaccines and took them for granted, but this one was different. We had to wait for it to be developed and then wait again for it to be available.

My first thought this morning was, ‘Easter is coming!’ I can actually look forward to a family holiday again. I can see the entire family,  even part of the family that I haven’t been able see for months.  I can visit my favorite coffee place, have a friend over or meet them for lunch.

When I see everyone, I’ll be smiling and I look forward to the day happy smiles can be seen again.

And yes, you can go ahead and hug that grandkid!

“Getting to Know You”

By

Gerry Niskern

Just as I was finally adjusting to life alone, the Pandemic hit. In the early days of Coronavirus 19 I learned to live with “sheltering in” and isolating from everyone. I envied those who was able to get out and go biking, hiking or many other out door activities. Being inside so much was really frustrating.

The health risks, loss of job and political ruin for the country itself seemed without end. But this new way of living also  brought many acts of kindness. Friends called to ask if I needed masks or gloves. A good neighbor had already brought some.

I had phone calls that kept my spirits up. My Grandson called almost every morning just to say hi on his way to  his first job. The good neighbor called every evening before bedtime. However the sight/presence of real live people was what I desperately craved.

And that’s when my two sons came thru for me. One had recently retired and his wife worked from home so they were able to totally isolate. The other son was furloughed from his job and he kept isolated also. One came over in midweek and the other came on the weekend.

I soon began to realize that this pandemic was a gift in disguise! Suddenly both sons  had time,  precious time, unexpected time. Politics dominated for a while. But then our long talks drifted to explore family history and stories. Facts were cleared up about who lived when and where. We talked about food. The  kind that I made when they were kids and the kind that Grandma made, and what out favorite was.

Two hours drifted into three and sometimes four. We covered world events, our different philosophies  about mankind and human behavior. I answered many questions about my and their dad’s childhood, courtship and early marriage.

One son and his wife invited me for dinner occasionally and I was free to go because they had been isolated. It was a welcome break to be in another home.

The other son brought lunch on the weekend and played a board game with me because he knew how much I missed playing games with friends.

Our family always had large gatherings at Christmas, Thanksgiving and other holidays and lots of fun catching up on the news. But quick, short chats were more the norm and  never really knowing much about individuals lives was not satisfying. Then suddenly, the pandemic hit, and  we had unexpected time. Lots of time.

I’m grateful I was  given this chance to know the men my two sons had become.

Game of Life

By

Gerry Niskern

.           I played my first board game, Monopoly, when I was about eight. I loved it!  I used to set my little thimble (why I always chose the thimble I don’t know) at the starting point and vowed to end up with all the property and money too. I admit it, I do like to win. I guess that trait runs in the family, because one of my grandsons used to last in a Monopoly game only until someone else landed on Boardwalk and he didn’t have a chance to buy it. The board would soar into the air and the all the hotels and little houses took flight as he stomped from the room.

Of course, we played board games with our kids when they were little and then the weekend sleepovers of the grandkids were two day game marathons.

In the mean time, we were getting together often with other couples and playing  Trivia Pursuit, Taboo, 25 Words of Less, Pictionary, Telestrations, Catch Phrase, and the list goes on and on. We had one friend that bought new games as often as I did, but if her team didn’t win the newest game, she would invariably remark,”I don’t care for that new game.” And we never played it again!

Games at family gatherings three or four times a year were fun, but not often enough. Then sadly, we lost old friends the game players, one by one, but Ken and I still played Scrabble and Quiddler together and then suddenly, he was gone.

My good neighbor and two grandkids played Trivia Crack on my phone with me for a while, but life was pretty dull without a game once in a while.

Then someone told me about the Meetup groups that played board games. I signed up and played games with friendly players and then later played Trivia with another group of great again.

Then along came Covid 19. Since the Pandemic there has been no gatherings of family or friends to play a good board game. I can’t wait for everyone to be vaccinated so I can get back to winning some challenging games!

“Turn back the Clock, I think not!”

By

Gerry Niskern

Every day or so Facebook runs a post called, “Do You Remember?” Last week they ran a photo of a kitchen from the 50’s era featuring the pregnant mother baking a pie with the happy child helping. There was a cloth covered table, canisters on the shelf and a wringer washing  machine in the tiny kitchen.

Thousands of responders replied wishing that we could “ turn back the clock “to those wonderful good old days.

GOOD OLD DAYS! Were they kidding? I had one of those  wicked, wringer washing machines. What the picture neglected to show was the two rinse tubs that went with the laundry job back in those days. After rinsing the clothes (or diapers, but that’s another depressing story),  then the clothes had to be put thru the wringer, all the while, hoping not  lose a  finger. (sometimes it was a crushed arm)

Of course, next came the fun part, lugging the heavy basket full  of wet clothes out and handing them on the line in the yard. If the line became too  heavy there was a post to lift the line a little higher.

The majority of today’s young mothers have access to great washer and dryers, not to mention many other household appliances that should make their  life easier. And it would, but what young mothers also have are full time jobs. It takes two salaries in today’s world.

As it turns out, since the beginning of the Pandemic a large part of the employed moms are working at home. That would be good except for the fact that the kids are attending “school at home” on their computers too. I know one young mother who is also a teacher, teaching her class from one room while her two boys are supposed to  be doing their classwork online in another room. Talk about juggling!

So, there are lots of good things to remember about the “Good old days”, but hooray for all the new labor saving devices developed since the 50’s. Today’s moms deserve every one of them; and the dads kind of like them too!

“Through a Writer’s eyes”

By

Gerry Niskern

I watched a good documentary recently titled “Let’s Pretend it’s a City”. The story featured the author Fran Lebowitz as she walked about New York and narrated her unique style of social commentary. I was interested in the city and the history of her life there, but the thing I found most interesting was her words of wisdom on reading. I  absolutely loved one statement of Fran’s. “When you learn to read, you are rich!” she declared.

I couldn’t agree more. I remember when I was a little kid and we would drive by a certain  building while in town. Someone would always say, “There’s the library.”  I was fascinated with the idea that there were “books” in that place. Then when we moved to Phoenix when I was ten and I learned that I could walk to the Phoenix Carnegie Public library alone and check out as many books as I could carry home. I  was in heaven.

The majority of kids are in a TV bubble now days. They learn to read in kindergarten because its required, but so many don’t fall in love with reading books. They don’t realize that reading all types of books helps them understand the world we live in. Books helps them communicate, stimulates their imagination. As a reader they are not bound by what the film maker show them a character to be, they can imagine whatever they want them to look like.

It is tough to think about, but in our country in the l800’s states were still passing laws  forbidding anyone to teach free African Americans to read or write. And actually as recently as the early l900’s the public libraries only allowed men to use and borrow books. Usually a room was set aside for the ladies to read, not borrow, some magazines.

The love of books runs deep in our family. One of my greatest joys has always been sharing books with the toddlers, and then continuing to share volumes with book worms in the family. I’ve used the library but loved the idea of owning my own. My book case never gets to overflowing because I always seem to be giving them away too!

The libraries were closed during the first months of the pandemic, and now it’s only drive -up, but friends of shared a lot. The love of reading has gotten many through the long months of Covid 19

And yes, we were indeed rich!.