My Mother Gave to Me

By

Gerry Niskern

There is a photo in the bottom of my jewelry box. It’s there for safekeeping because it’s the only one ever taken of my mother when she was a child. It was snapped when she was around ten years old. She has on a black dress, a little too large and a big ribbon on the back of her head. When you come from a family of thirteen and you are the youngest girl, no one is likely to be taking your photograph.

She grew up working helping her crippled mother and continued to work hard all of her life. When she started highschool, she made the basketball team and loved it. However, Her mother kept her home to help too many times( this was often the lot of youngest daughters) and she was dropped from the basketball team. That’s when she became so discouraged that she dropped out of school and started working in a factory.

When she became a mother herself, she gave my sister and me all the things she never had: pretty dresses, Christmas toys, hair ribbons, birthday parties and plenty of time to play. But she also gave us plenty of guidance in self-deciplilne and good morals.

When I was expecting my first child, she gave me the respect of acknowledging that I was prepared and I would be fine! That, I’m sure, gave me confidence. She didn’t move in to help. She also didn’t offer advice unless I asked for some. She did give me some help when I asked what to do when the first baby sported a new tooth and decided to bite while nursing.  (trade secret)

Mom delighted in the grandkids as they came along. Between my sister and I there was a grandchild every year for four years when my mom finally said, “Hey, lets all take a break! “ Two more arrived after that. She enjoyed every minute of the grandchildren and the only unsolicited advice she gave me was that they should have liver once a week, for the iron. (something for which they have never quite forgiven her).

This woman, who gave so much of herself, ran a family business along with my dad. She did her own laundry, cleaned her own house, washed both vehicles every Saturday and also baked two  pies. She picked the kids upon weekends and planned all kinds of fun. She took them hiking and made sure they learned the words to the Marine’s Hymn and the Army song, which she lead them in singing as they hiked. Strawberry picking every year, when the fields in Glendale were opened to the public, was a must to do lesson in work and fun combined. The kids loved picking the berries and of course, when they got home, she made some shortcake to enjoy with the freshly washed berries and a little cold milk poured over the top.

When the grandkids grew older she gave them the opportunity to work in their business on weekends and during summer vacation. She expected them to work, but they had fun at house in the evenings too.

Of all the gifts my mother gave me, the one of understanding what it meant to be a mother was the best. My kids came along in the fifties before all the early childhood vaccinations were discovered. As my oldest child attended Kindergarten she brought home to her two younger brothers, Chicken Pox, Measles, and Mumps. This was also the same winter that the Asian flu was rampant in the country.  When the worst was over but they were still puffy with the mumps and red with the measles, she arrived on our doorstep with her overnight case and said, ”You two pack your bag and get out of here for the weekend. . I’ll stay with the kids, they’ll be fine.”

I hit the door running and never looked back!

Untitled

By

Gerry Niskern

My Mom  was a coal miner’s daughter and my Dad was a times-study engineer in the administration of a large glass factory back East. As you can imagine I overheard many debates on the pro and con of unions when I was growing up.

President Biden’s words in his State of the Union speech about unions creating the middle America brought back some of my memories.

I remember seeing men covered in black coal  dust, especially their black faces, trudging up the street after their shift at the local mine. My mom used to talk about her job as a child of helping her mother drag out the two big tubs and filling them with hot water for my grandfather’s bath after work.

But when  I was a teen and we visited back to our little home town, one simple thing, among many big vital issues, like wages and safety codes, had changed. The mining companies had to provide showers for the miners to use after their shift. The men coming home were freshly showered and had on clean clothes. My grandmother would have loved that!

Progress was made after the formation of the UMWA. But only after long strikes and bitter fights. My grandmother always said, “ The men went out on strike for three or four months every year and ran up huge household bills. Then we spend the rest of the year paying off our debts.”  But each time the union  made a little more progress. The same was true of the other unions fighting for better wages and working conditions in the United States.

The definition of unions changed over the history of our country. Early on the guild-like associations formed to protect their tradesman with special skills. Much like unions today who demand specific skills of their members and joining fees of thousands of dollars.

But the ordinary workers in many industries need wage and safety protection and the desire for unions is growing.  The right to organize has had much legislation passed over the history of our country and there are hard struggles to come.

So yes, the major unions, and smaller ones too, made the American Middle class, but it was a long hard battle. It wasn’t easy and it won’t be again.

It Takes  a Child

By

Gerry Niskern

The little brown eyed girl was giving hugs all around. There was laughter and tears of joy as the toddler met grandmas, cousins, uncles and aunts for the first time. I don’t know how much she understood or would remember, but she knew something important was happening as her daddy stood back beaming and was busy giving hugs of his own to family members that he hadn’t seen forever.

My great-great-granddaughter was as Paloma Park last Sunday with her daddy for a spontaneous reunion of two different families. Due to legal issues it was only the second time they had been together and he wanted the families to meet his daughter. This self-confident, vivacious little girl donned her pink unicorn bathing suit and led her new found cousins to the splash-pad where they had a ball running in and out of the sparkling water.

A strong wind came up and she ran to me for a towel hug and then back to the splashing water several times. It wasn’t much, but at least I got to help her and hug her again. Soon her grand mother helped her into dry clothes and off she went leading the gang of cousins to the playground.

Reunions, even spontaneous ones like this one are important for everyone. The adults exchange family history and information. And the kids need to spend quality time with relatives. They need to hear the family stories. The contact helps them develop and mature.

A strong wind and cold rain drove me to the car and I didn’t get to say goodbye, but I’m grateful that I got to see everyone, especially the child that brought us all together.

Are You Looking Forward or Backward?

By

Gerry  Niskern

I was talking with my #2 son the other day and as usual our conversation turned to the Pandemic, the state of our polarized country and other sobering  subjects. Then he said, “Hey Mom, lets talk about something looking forward, you know, some happy things.”

Sounded like a good idea to me and it reminded me of an article I had read in the New York Times recently about a course offered at Yale University called Psyc 157: Psychology and the Good Life. It is one of the most popular courses in the University’s 320 year history.

The course then evolved into  a course called The Science of Well-Being. It asks the students to keep track of their sleep, start keeping a Gratitude journal and to frequently perform random acts of kindness.

One of the rituals that most people missed during  the Pandemic was the act of giving hospitality; an act of kindness and also  the feeling of being needed. The joy of entertaining friends and just meeting to talk and maybe even vent a little.

All of this was very similar to my Mother’s recipe for living life. “You should be grateful!” was a phrase I heard many, many times while growing up. Also, “Be kind, especially to old people” was another. And if someone gives you a gift, when you are finished with it, you “do not sell it”. Always pass it on to another person who can use it.

The happiness course at Yale teaches that gratitude doesn’t come naturally. I find that hard to accept, but sadly I know that it is true. Perhaps if the many thousands who have taken the course (it was offered online eventually) begin to teach gratitude and kindness to their children, they will grow up to help create a happier world.

“Let the Hunts Begin”

By

Gerry Niskern

Tell the kids to get out their running shoes and practice their wind sprints. The furry rabbit with the huge ears is coming. Grandmothers all over the valley will be one step ahead of the pack showing the baby where the Easter eggs are hidden, while the older children shout, “No fair!”

Years ago, our kids and their cousins thought the Easter Bunny only left his eggs on the desert. Thanks to grandma and grandpa, prior to our annual picnic, the eggs were hidden early on Easter morning among the rocks at Carefree.  Needless to say, there were no houses or resorts to intrude on the quest for eggs among the huge boulders.

The simple egg is perhaps the oldest and most universal symbol of rebirth and new life. The decorations and celebrations of the holiday may change with new generations, but the tradition of dyeing eggs in spring colors and giving them to family and friends goes way back. The Egyptians and Persians practiced this tradition long before Christ was born.

How did the egg come to Easter? In the Middle Ages it was forbidden to eat eggs during the 40 days of Lent. However, the hens kept laying and out of the resulting glut, the Easter egg tradition was born. The European countries, especially the Ukrainians, developed beautiful egg patterns, called the pysanky method. Ukrainian egg kits can even be ordered online.Easter’s place on the calendar was not actually fixed to the Sunday after the first full moon of spring until 325 AD by Roman Emperor Constantine. He may also get credit for starting the traditional Easter Parade. The Emperor ordered every citizen to wear his best clothing to observe the Holy Day.

Different cultures have developed their own unique ways of decorating Easter eggs. The typical young Easter egg artist starts out with wax crayons, delicate designs to follow and great anticipation. If they’re like our family, after the first few eggs are colored and cups of dye spilled, the job becomes a little rushed.

I guess I’d have to say one of the funniest Easter stories I remember was told by a young friend of mine. Seems she was always warning her hubby too watch his “salty” language around the baby. On Easter morning their little two- year- old started with her basket to find eggs.  With every egg she spotted, imagine her mother’s shock to hear, “There’s a !!#@#!** Egg!” Instead of daddy being chagrined, he kept inviting neighbors over to “listen to my daughter find Easter eggs.”

So as I said, there’s something for everyone.

Many Paths to Happiness

by

Gerry Niskern

There is a famous old saying that goes, “Happiness is not a station where one arrives…..it’s a manner of traveling.”

I had a magnet with that maxim written on it on my refrigerator for many years. The kids in the family sometimes asked, “What does that mean, exactly?”

I tried to answer many times, and the more I’ve thought about it,  I’ve come to realize that you could interpret that many ways.

I like to think that the manner in which you speak to your fellow human beings is one path on this journey called  life. Sure there is lots of kidding and banter among friends, but basically a person is known by his words and manner of speaking. Are their words warm, natural and their tone constant, in exchanging ideas?

I was fortunate enough to have a very “democratic” mother. She always admired people who were at ease in speaking to a child, cleaning person, cashier, seniors, landscapers, the “boss” or anyone. She couldn’t tolerate anyone who “put on the dog” by changing their manner or tone when conversing with someone they perceived to on a higher level socially.

Like her, I’ve come to believe that the way you speak to anyone, regardless to their station in life, is an ongoing process through this verbal path of life.

How are your travels?

HAVE YOU BEEN TO A BASEBALL GAME LATELY?

By

GERRY NISKERN

When he first started coming to our house to spend the night the baseball game could start before bedtime. Our living room was Niskern Field. The bases were all the sofa pillows and the Nerf ball and bat were required equipment. He could imitate all the pitchers on the Diamond Backs. And he had the batting stance of the other players down pretty good too.  When the game was finally called for night time,  it was  understood that it would continue bright and early the next morning.

His great-grandpa was the pitcher and I was the catcher, and of course, he was the constant batter. We never even got a turn. These games started when he was around three and have never stopped.

He was signed up for a pee wee team when he was three and his parent’s job was just beginning. They are the ones that drove him to practice and coached in the early years. His dad helped prepare many fields before the games. His mother manned the refrestment stands or brought the team snacks. They spent mega bucks on ball clubs over the years and traveled out of state to many games. He had an opportunity to  play and improve year after year.

His mother used enough bleach to easily fill the Grand Canyon keeping the white uniforms clean and ready for each game. She also had to keep an eye out for the younger sister playing behind the bleachers, except when she was raiding mom’s purse for money for the snack stand.

He played two years for the Pumas of Paradise Valley College. He is a great hitter, terrific third baseman and relief pitcher. He went on to play for Arkansas, and will graduate this year, but due to the Pandemic affecting the baseball season, he has another year of eligibility to show his stuff.

I’ve probably seen him playing for the last time. And I will miss that but hey, he’s following his dream that started all those years ago and hasn’t faltered!

GO AHEAD, HUG THE KID!

By

Gerry Niskern

All my fellow grandparent friends are saying the same thing. “When I finally received my shot I felt like a dark cloud had been lifted off me!”

Everyone of them went on the say,  “I feel like I’ve lost an entire year. Big chunks of life are gone forever. Babies have grown into toddlers. Birthdays and Christmas has come and gone without the family being together. Important graduations have been missed.”

All my sentiments exactly. I wake up in the morning now and think, ‘One more shot in two weeks and then I can socialize again.’ It’s a wonderful feeling. I think, like many friends, I had just kind of shut down my emotions. It didn’t do any good to complain about the masks, distancing, and just not seeing people “up close and personal.”

Most of all, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the three vaccines that have been made available thru the diligent work of scientists. I’ve had other vaccines in my lifetime, starting with the one required before I could enter first grade. That one left a big scar!

My kids had all the vaccines required for newborns and boosters later. The Salk polio vaccine was a welcome one for sure. Back then, if your child ran a fever and the doctor couldn’t diagnose it right away, the overwhelming fear was polio.  We’ve all had many vaccines and took them for granted, but this one was different. We had to wait for it to be developed and then wait again for it to be available.

My first thought this morning was, ‘Easter is coming!’ I can actually look forward to a family holiday again. I can see the entire family,  even part of the family that I haven’t been able see for months.  I can visit my favorite coffee place, have a friend over or meet them for lunch.

When I see everyone, I’ll be smiling and I look forward to the day happy smiles can be seen again.

And yes, you can go ahead and hug that grandkid!

“Getting to Know You”

By

Gerry Niskern

Just as I was finally adjusting to life alone, the Pandemic hit. In the early days of Coronavirus 19 I learned to live with “sheltering in” and isolating from everyone. I envied those who was able to get out and go biking, hiking or many other out door activities. Being inside so much was really frustrating.

The health risks, loss of job and political ruin for the country itself seemed without end. But this new way of living also  brought many acts of kindness. Friends called to ask if I needed masks or gloves. A good neighbor had already brought some.

I had phone calls that kept my spirits up. My Grandson called almost every morning just to say hi on his way to  his first job. The good neighbor called every evening before bedtime. However the sight/presence of real live people was what I desperately craved.

And that’s when my two sons came thru for me. One had recently retired and his wife worked from home so they were able to totally isolate. The other son was furloughed from his job and he kept isolated also. One came over in midweek and the other came on the weekend.

I soon began to realize that this pandemic was a gift in disguise! Suddenly both sons  had time,  precious time, unexpected time. Politics dominated for a while. But then our long talks drifted to explore family history and stories. Facts were cleared up about who lived when and where. We talked about food. The  kind that I made when they were kids and the kind that Grandma made, and what out favorite was.

Two hours drifted into three and sometimes four. We covered world events, our different philosophies  about mankind and human behavior. I answered many questions about my and their dad’s childhood, courtship and early marriage.

One son and his wife invited me for dinner occasionally and I was free to go because they had been isolated. It was a welcome break to be in another home.

The other son brought lunch on the weekend and played a board game with me because he knew how much I missed playing games with friends.

Our family always had large gatherings at Christmas, Thanksgiving and other holidays and lots of fun catching up on the news. But quick, short chats were more the norm and  never really knowing much about individuals lives was not satisfying. Then suddenly, the pandemic hit, and  we had unexpected time. Lots of time.

I’m grateful I was  given this chance to know the men my two sons had become.

Game of Life

By

Gerry Niskern

.           I played my first board game, Monopoly, when I was about eight. I loved it!  I used to set my little thimble (why I always chose the thimble I don’t know) at the starting point and vowed to end up with all the property and money too. I admit it, I do like to win. I guess that trait runs in the family, because one of my grandsons used to last in a Monopoly game only until someone else landed on Boardwalk and he didn’t have a chance to buy it. The board would soar into the air and the all the hotels and little houses took flight as he stomped from the room.

Of course, we played board games with our kids when they were little and then the weekend sleepovers of the grandkids were two day game marathons.

In the mean time, we were getting together often with other couples and playing  Trivia Pursuit, Taboo, 25 Words of Less, Pictionary, Telestrations, Catch Phrase, and the list goes on and on. We had one friend that bought new games as often as I did, but if her team didn’t win the newest game, she would invariably remark,”I don’t care for that new game.” And we never played it again!

Games at family gatherings three or four times a year were fun, but not often enough. Then sadly, we lost old friends the game players, one by one, but Ken and I still played Scrabble and Quiddler together and then suddenly, he was gone.

My good neighbor and two grandkids played Trivia Crack on my phone with me for a while, but life was pretty dull without a game once in a while.

Then someone told me about the Meetup groups that played board games. I signed up and played games with friendly players and then later played Trivia with another group of great again.

Then along came Covid 19. Since the Pandemic there has been no gatherings of family or friends to play a good board game. I can’t wait for everyone to be vaccinated so I can get back to winning some challenging games!